Part 2 of my life story hasn’t been written yet, I promise I will finish it. I just haven’t been in the right mood. You have to be in the right mood to write something like that right? I do have something to say though.
Last night, Eden was having her fussy time…the past few evenings she’s been really fussy and at points crying really hard. The tears were just rolling down her cheeks which breaks my heart because I don’t know how to solve her problems. Tim got out the guitar to play a relaxing melody and I just held close her and rocked her. I spoke softly to her and she calmed down, I think she could feel my love. She looked at me with those watery blue eyes and listened to my every word. I told her how much I loved her, how I wanted to protect her from the world – from all the hurt that she’s bound to experience, how she would never know how much I loved her until she had a baby of her own, how I wanted to hold her forever because if she were in my arms then I would know she would be safe. I told her so many things while rocking her and my blue eyes became watery because I love her so much. The love that I have for her in indescribable, the moment she was placed on my chest for the first time my heart was transformed with love, and I knew I would never be the same again. I instantly became a mother, even though I thought I wasn’t ready for such a responsibility. It’s amazing how such a little person can change your worldview.
That’s why we named her Eden. She’s perfect and she is a gift from God. The Garden of Eden was a new beginning, it was perfection, it was beautiful, life came from Eden, and the beings were one with God. That’s why we named her Eden. She has given us new life literally and figuratively. Where would we be if God didn’t surprise us with this gift? Making lots of money, hiking and hanging out with friends on the other side of the world? I can’t imagine feeling as fulfilled and at peace with my life doing that as I do while I’m rocking my baby to sleep and kissing her goodnight. Tim wouldn’t be following his dream of becoming a doctor and we wouldn’t have developed this wonderful relationship with our niece Charlotte who interchangeably calls me Nina and Kathryn (sometimes from one sentence to the next). I will be sad when she eventually drops Nina. I wouldn’t have been pregnant with my big sister and we wouldn’t have girls together who will grow up with birthdays only a month apart.
For the first time in a long time I feel content with my life and the direction it’s heading. Thank you Father, for caring enough about my life to not let me get my way.
I also want to share a link with you. After Eden calmed down last night I was reading a blog that was recommended by my friend Courtney. Grab some kleenex and read this birth story, the tears were rolling down my cheek because of the honesty and raw emotion in this woman’s writing.